


Slayer Girl

by LookingForOctober



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-06
Updated: 2013-04-06
Packaged: 2018-01-06 23:53:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1112996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LookingForOctober/pseuds/LookingForOctober
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joan (from the episode Tabula Rasa) doesn't get her memories of being Buffy back, and that's okay with her.  She's totally a superhero, want else does she need?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Slayer Girl

**Author's Note:**

> This work was originally published on the livejournal community sb_fag_ends, in response to the prompt "Don't Gripe about the Memory Wipe!"

After she lost the house and Dawn was sent to the foster home, Joan moved in with Randy. Spike. Whatever.

"But you're welcome to...I mean, I know it's not very big, but my apartment..." Tara said.

"It's gotta be more comfortable than a crypt," Willow said. "Buffy, you need to listen to us when we tell you that Spike--"

"I'm not Buffy," she said sharply. She was tired of being treated like a child just because she'd lost her memory. And she was tired of being called Buffy.

Willow pouted.

"If I was really Buffy, don't you think I'd have gotten my memory back when the rest of you did?" Joan said brusquely.

Willow brightened. "I'm pretty sure I know what's causing that. I've read everything I could find about memory spells, and my theory -- I'm calling it a theory but I'm pretty confident -- is that forgetting fixed some of the trauma you'd been dealing with. Even when the memory spell was broken, your mind held on to it. But there's a spell--" She turned quickly to Tara. "You could do it--"

Tara shook her head. "Willow, I'm not going to start messing with Buffy's mind. That kind of spell can be dangerous."

"But--"

"If the problem is that I don't want to be Buffy, then I'm not going be Buffy," Joan said. "I'm moving in with Randy, and that's the end of it."

 

"What's next up on the roster of evil to be crushed?" Joan asked Randy one evening. If the sun was out, Sunnydale would sparkle with how clean the two of them were keeping it, but a superhero's job was never done. They stalked the night shadows together, tracking down demons and evildoers.

"Heard a rumor about a vamp nest near the college," Randy said. 

"I can do better than that," Joan said. "Black magic in the Botanical Garden."

Randy cocked his head to the side, measuring her up. "I was saving this one for a rainy day, love, but..." Joan rolled her eyes. She knew the signs of a real doozy. Randy almost always won the tracking down evil sweepstakes. "Slime demon breeding in the municipal swimming pool."

Joan wrinkled her nose and grabbed a broadsword. "That sounds like a job for Slayer Girl!" 

"Damn right," Randy said, grabbing an axe.

Joan had insisted on the names, since they were totally superheroes. Slayer Girl and Monster Man. Sometimes Joan tried to convince Randy to be White Knight (I'm talking about the glare from your hair, what did you think?) or The Bloody Noble Bloke (if you're not, then who is?) but he wouldn't budge from Monster Man.

Slayer Girl and Monster Man prevailed against the Slime Demons. Of course.

"I still smell like slimy chlorine," Joan complained as they entered the cemetery where Randy's crypt was.

"Letter from Dawn," Randy said, pulling a white envelope from the drop by the gate. He always looked. Joan never did; she took the letter and put it in her pocket.

 

"I'm going to Willy's. To _drink_ , not to listen for bloody rumors," Randy snapped. "It's Tuesday, why don't you visit Dawn?"

"Slayer Girl never rests," Joan said. "Won't you--"

"Get it through that thick head of yours, I'm not a bloody superhero, not on Tuesday," Randy said.

"Fine. I can handle it by myself," Joan said.

Randy softened instantly. "I'll give you every other day to play pretend, love, but from now on, Tuesdays are for reality."

Joan shook her head sadly. "This is real," she said, and on impulse she leaned forward and kissed him on the mouth, gently and sweetly. "Slayer Girl and Monster Man, the names are just for fun, but we're helping people, what could be more real than that?"

She didn't understand why he growled "Anything would be more real than that," and pushed her away.

 

"Give me a bloody _scrap_ , Buffy," Spike begged. Not Randy, Spike. The edge, the fire, the _rage_ that she'd sensed growing in him over the weeks was no longer contained. His face was pure vampire, and she'd never suggest he call himself bloody noble. If he didn't leave her alone, he was going to be bloody mess, and she was going to do it.

"I'm not Buffy," Joan insisted.

"Damn it, you're stronger than this. You're strong enough to love someone. God, it doesn't have to be me, love your sister. Love Dawn. Go see her. She misses you. Love your idiot friends. They miss you too." 

"I love everyone," Joan said. "I love the world."

"You can't love everyone if you don't love someone. I've seen your strength and I know you're bloody strong enough to love."

"I can too love," Joan insisted. "It's you who's missing something. You say you love, but I want to show you the world that I live in, the one that's worth saving. There's so much to love in everyone--"

"Prove it," Spike said, grabbing her. "You're living in a bloodless fairy tale."

Stung, she wrenched herself away. "You think you know everything, but you don't. You don't know anything about my world. I _wish_ I could show you how much I love. I wish I could show you what it means to love. I love that guy in the alley last night, and the old woman the night before, and--" She hesitated, but only for a moment, because she couldn't stop there. "I love Dawn and Willow and Xander, and I ever love you, I love more than you ever will because I have--"

Memories came crashing down on her. She'd been avoiding them for so long, long enough to heal. And now Buffy Summers straightened up under the weight of them.

"Hope," she said.


End file.
